Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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