he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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