I faked an abortion last night.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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