Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
