i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
