My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
