Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
