Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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