It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
