Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
