HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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