she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
