i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
