I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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