If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
