I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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