You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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