Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
