I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
