Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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