Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Two words: blizzard sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
