well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
