i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
