also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
