I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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