do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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