Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
