Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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