you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
