that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
