Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need water and some morals
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
