I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
