Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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