My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
