Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
