Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
