So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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