Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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