Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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