The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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