i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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