so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
