i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
