God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
