Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
