would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
do herpes really smell.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
