Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
