she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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