I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
