that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
