so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
