Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
